No One Can Drink This Much Coffee

December 11, 2021|Russell Volz|Humor & Satire

From Russell – OK Bro, you have to come clean. No one can drink this much coffee!

Best Coffee Review — For 2 Extra Points – Who Are These Two?

You’ve been ordering 6 bags of coffee every other week.

There’s something about this coffee that you know and I don’t.

Are you using a bong or a hooka?

No one can drink that much coffee. What’s your secret? – Russell – Lake City Coffee, Chief Bottle Washer and VP of The Keys

Warning

We are professionals, you are not, so don’t try this at home.

George’s Response

Russell, since you told me I could smoke coffee, life has changed. The buzz was wonderful I might add. A little hallucinogenic but not too bad. The pink french-press dancing around the counter top in a lime green tutu was a nice touch. Got naked again and taught it how to jitter bug. Wonderful dance partner.

I found that a course grind works the best for smoking coffee. Then I had a brain fart and figured if one can smoke it and get a good buzz why not try snorting? Course grind is not a good choice for that process. Still blowing out chunks out of my right nostril. Then I set my burr grinder on fine and ground some of your dark roast twice so I had powder. That snorted very nicely. Left nostril is fine. I did find it bit on the bitter side though. It was very energizing.

Me and the dog had a butt dragging race through the living room. Now I have to get the carpets cleaned because we where both naked again. Gunna try a IV drip next time. I’ll keep you posted. You will see my orders ramp up in the coming weeks. I am making a killing selling dime bags.

Well that’s about it for now. I need to go rub some ointment on my backside. Believe me it’s not a good place to have friction burns. I don’t know who to blame for them. You because of your intoxicating drug or the damn dog for his challenge.

Hope all is well in coffee land. – George