Terms & Conditions

Lake City Coffee Roasters

Coeur d’Alene, Idaho (The Real Idaho)

Where Freedom Brews Strong, Woke Nonsense Gets Roasted, and Your Feelings Might Get a Little Scorched — But Don’t Worry, Our Coffee Still Won’t Judge You

We Didn’t Come to You. You came to us.

You all know the drill. Every website slaps up a Terms & Conditions page that reads like a Soviet-era tax code—boring enough to make you swear off caffeine forever. Not here at Lake City Coffee Roasters.

We believe in personal responsibility, the Constitution, free speech, and strong coffee that doesn’t come with a side of lectures from your local barista union. So we wrote these terms the way God, the Founding Fathers, and a good dark roast intended: honest, funny as hell, and unapologetically American.

By Landing on This Page, You Agree to the Whole Shebang

If you’re still here, you’re agreeing to the whole shebang. If you don’t like it, there’s the back button—use it.

We won’t chase you. We’re not the government; we don’t need your compliance to feel important. We just want you to enjoy the smoothest low-acid coffee beans this side of heaven while keeping your sense of humor intact.

Warning: Reality Check Ahead

These terms outline the rules for using Lake City Coffee’s website. We expect they’ll offend roughly 47% of the internet (you know who you are). The other 53%—patriots, hard workers, and folks who still say “Merry Christmas”—will probably chuckle and order another bag.

By continuing, you accept every word. If you’re the type who gets triggered by facts, close this tab and head to Charbucks. They’ll validate your feelings and charge you $8 for a cup of regret.

No Karens Policy

Using this site means you agree not to sue us for hurting your feelings. Truth is offensive sometimes—sorry, not sorry. As born-again Christians and responsible conservatives, we figure if we’re not ruffling a few feathers with reality, we’re not doing our jobs.

This website is packed with common sense the mainstream media calls “controversial.” If you need a safe space, we recommend therapy, not our dark roast. Our coffee is for grown-ups who can handle a joke and a strong cup without calling HR. In fact, if you call our HR, you’ll be talking to the same handsome guy that wrote this.

DEI – Our Version

Diversity: We respect the diversity of opinions from tax-paying, Constitution-loving Americans who can hold a civil debate without needing crayons and a coloring book.

Equity: God and the Founders said we’re created equal. After that, it’s on you. Work hard, read books instead of TikTok, take risks. That’s how you get ahead—not by government handouts or participation trophies.

Inclusion: We sell our superior coffee to any adult human—male or female—regardless of what they “identify” as on any given Tuesday. If you think there are 72 genders, run (don’t walk) to a therapist. Then buy your coffee at Charbucks – they’ll probably put a pronoun sticker on your cup and a side of existential dread for free.

Cookies: We Don’t Track You Like Big Tech Does

Website cookies? We use the bare minimum to process your order. No spying, no selling your data to the highest bidder, no following you around the internet like a creepy ex.

If you hate surveillance (and who doesn’t, except the NSA), you’re home. We trust you to order coffee like an adult. Charbucks will track your every move, including your “identified sex” and probably suggest therapy. We just want you caffeinated and happy.

Intellectual Property

All content—articles, roasts, dad jokes—is owned by us. Russell and Alisha Volz wrote it. He’s a human male, she’s a human female—always has been, always will be.

Want to quote us? Go for it. Just link back so folks can buy the good stuff. If you submit an article, write it in cursive. Young hackers can’t read it, and it’ll confuse the algorithms. Bonus conservative points.

Pronouns – Biology 101

Pronouns substitute for nouns. They’re not a personality. Pull your pants out, look down. Equipment present? He/him. Not? She/her. Simple.

Disagree? That’s your right—under the First Amendment. But using our site means you accept biological reality. If not, go search Google for “emergency psychiatric help” and enjoy your overpriced latte somewhere else. We’ll be over here drinking real coffee with the adults.

Warning “Hot Coffee”

We’re not liable if you brew it too strong and stay up all night planning tomorrow’s range day. Coffee is hot—don’t sue us if you spill it. Our beans are delicious. If you don’t like them, then don’t buy them again.

That’s our promise to you. Beyond that? You’re an adult. Act like one. No class-action nonsense here; we hate lawyers more than weak coffee.

Return & Shipping Policies – Adulting 101

Place an order? You don’t like the taste of our coffee, then don’t buy it again. It’s yours. Returns? We don’t do ’em. For crying out loud, you’re not buying a Lamborghini — you’re buying beans that won’t judge you or your life choices.

But if we screw up or the shipper screws up, we’ll fix it. That’s real home-grown customer service: we own our mistakes, make it right, move on.

Privacy Policy: We’re Not the FBI

We keep only information needed to ship your coffee: name, address, email. Secure as Fort Knox. No selling to data brokers. In a world of Big Tech tyranny, we’re the rebels with a cause—and a killer medium roast.

Cancelation Policy

We roast fresh, so cancel one-time orders before we fire up the roaster and you’re good. Once those beans are rolling, they’re yours—no take-backs, just enjoy (or regret) the ride.

Subscriptions? Cancel anytime. No fees, no drama, no guilt-trip emails. Log in, click cancel, and peace out. Your wallet will thank you.

The Bottom Line

We’re just folks. Maybe like you, maybe not. We believe in good product, good service, and the right to enjoy a damn fine cup. Maybe it’s in our DNA. Alisha and I come from a long line of hard working small business owners. You might recognize Alisha’s last name “Hills”. Yep, those “Hills”, as in Hills Brothers Coffee.

So, we’re old school. Our business, thus this site celebrates freedom, truth, and the right speak the truth without worrying about feelings. If that sounds good, welcome aboard. Order up. If not, God bless you—there’s plenty of weak coffee elsewhere.

Meet Russell & Alisha Volz

At Lake City Coffee Roasters, we roast every Tuesday and ship the same day so your coffee arrives fresh. Alisha’s professionally trained palate (wine–sommelier) helps us select the smoothest, lowest-acid beans from Costa Rica’s Tarrazú region each year. You can also read more about how we got started in this Spokesman-Review feature.

If you’re looking for coffee that tastes great and is easy on your stomach, you’re in the right place.