DNC Coffee Discount

October 25, 2016|Russell Volz|Humor & Satire

Educating Coffee Drinkers

Why would a conservative coffee roaster offer a DNC Coffee Discount? As a Spokane Coffee Roaster we really don’t want to get involved in politics. How you vote is up to you. This post has less to do with politics than it has to do with our public educational system and the piss poor job their doing teaching math.

Liberal Math

Bob has $5.
If we take Bob’s $5, which he unfairly earned
And we give Bob’s $5 to Bill, who deserves it anyway.
Bill feels great. Bob feels great. Everyone wins. 5-5=10.

DNC Coffee Discount

In celebration of our liberal friends, Lake City Coffee will be offering a huge DNC Coffee Discount on our Delectable Dark coffee for Liberals Only. All you need to do is enter the coupon code DNC5-5=10. Now sticking with liberal math, follow me here. Enter this code and you’ll receive 3 bags of coffee for the price of 4. Yes, I said that correctly. 3 bags for the price of 4. I’m sure we’ll sell out quickly, so tell your liberal friends to jump on this as fast as they can.

I know this is a huge sacrifice that we’re making, but we all gotta do what we can. Lake City Coffee is not just your typical Fresh Whole Bean Coffee Roaster. We are more than willing to take a little heat for our conservative viewpoints. Unfortunately, we just take a perverse pleasure in pissing off liberals. I know it’s a character flaw, but we’re not all perfect.

Politics Over Taste

Recently we had someone say, “I’d buy your coffee, but now that I know what kind of person you are, I’ll never buy from you.” Then one day an existing customer admonish me for my conservative views, so I told her to go to Starbucks. She said she would, but their coffee “sucks!”. She ended up swallowing her pride and I might add, our coffee too. So, if you’re a liberal and like really good coffee, then please take advantage of this one time DNC Coffee Discount.

For the rest of you, you’ll have to pay the going price, which I might add includes thinking for yourself. If you like our coffee then buy more. On the odd chance that you don’t like it, then go somewhere else. At the end of the day, we’re not trying to be everyone’s fresh gourmet coffee roaster. We’re just looking for 1,000 friends to get to know and talk coffee, or politics, or religion, or whatever. Sincerely, Russell Volz