What is a Conservative Coffee Company or a Conservative Coffee Roaster? Damned if I know. I just thought coffee was coffee and companies sold their stuff. When did we start shoving our politics down our customer’s throats?
Ever since Starbucks decided to go ultra-left, all of the burnt-n-bitter industrial coffee want-a-bees, decided to follow suit, leaving the rest of America’s coffee drinkers to be labeled “Deplorables”. Actually, I never thought about our company (All 2 of us) in terms of politics. We’re just a coffee roasting company that just happens to be patriotic, as all real Americans would be.
We stand for the flag, put our hand over our heart when singing our national anthem, and pray with our heads bowed. We treat our flag with respect, love our soldiers, and we support our constitution, all of it.
I guess Google thinks those values make us conservative. I just think those values make us Americans. Maybe that’s why Google has us ranked as a conservative coffee company, which surprised the hell out of me, but “hell” I’ll take that moniker any day.
In all reality, I think that Lake City Coffee is just a coffee business, not a political think tank. We’re not social warriors. We don’t have a political axe to grind. Heck, if people consider themselves liberal, then go for it, as long as they buy my coffee.
I don’t care about their politics, gender, or race. I don’t care if they’re black, white, red, or yellow; just as long as they bleed red, white, and blue.
Satirical Coffee Roaster
Look, we’re business people with a passion for creating the best home-brewed coffee experience of your life. We’re here to serve our customers as best as humanly possible, regardless of politics. Yet, at the same time, I’m not going to hide my political view, especially if I have something to say that’s funny, witty, or satirical.
Talking about satire, Benjamin Franklin was America’s first and greatest satirist. Like him, I do enjoy a good laugh at the expense of any politician. If you get a chance, check out the humorous satirical blog posts below.
- Liberal Math
- 22 Caliber Discount
- Fake Coffee
- DNC Coffee Discount
- From Drug Dealer To Coffee Roaster (My Favorite)
Conservative Coffee Roaster
So, how does someone become a conservative coffee roaster? To be perfectly honest, most of my life, I hated coffee; burnt and bitter. I just didn’t see the attraction. Then one day, while at a Church Campout, a man that I barely knew said, “Come on over in the morning before the kids wake up and I’ll have something for you that you’ll never forget”.
So, at 7AM I put on my flip-flops and waddled on over to his tent. There he was with a coffee mug in each hand and a smile on his face that made me think, “Oh Crap”.
With mug in hand, I was kind of obligated to give it a try with a tiny sip. “Holy Shit Batman!” Not believing my taste buds, I took another sip. “Wow!” I looked at his shit-eating grin and asked, “What the hell is this!” (Church Camp right?). He said, “That, my friend, is coffee that was roasted yesterday to a beautiful medium brown.”
My new best friend taught me how to roast my own fresh coffee. For months, I was in heaven.
Conservative Coffee Company
Why would I start a conservative coffee company? Well, eventually my entrepreneurial mind kicked in; thinking of the thousands and thousands of coffee shops and drive-thrus selling burnt-n-bitter industrial coffee, good for nothing but degreasing wheel bearings.
I thought about a quote from Sir Branson, CEO of Virgin Atlantic, Virgin Communications and 400 other companies, who once said, “Find an industry that’s over 50 years old and done very badly”. Well, I’m not the smartest guy on the planet, but it doesn’t take a genius to know that coffee in America sucks big time. Bingo! Business opportunity!
The $100,000 Coffee Table
I’ve owned several successful small businesses. Over the decades, I’ve learned a lot of hard earned lessons. I knew that the coffee market was huge. Additionally, I knew that we didn’t want to compete with the big boys. All I had to do was find a very small niche that few other companies wanted to play in.
Here’s a list of entrepreneurial rules that helped us to start our conservative coffee roaster business.
- Money makes me stupid and borrowed money makes me an idiot. Anyone that says, “It takes money to make money” has never grown a successful business from the ground up.
- The only partner that I want is the one I’m sleeping with, i.e. my wonderful wife, Alisha.
- I don’t need a business plan. I need a super simple business model.
- KISS – This is huge! If I can’t make $100,000 a year in my garage, basement, or kitchen table, then I have the wrong business model. That’s why I have only one bean (Costa Rican Tarrazu) and only 4 roasts (Dark, Medium, White, and Decaf). I have no assets, no employees, no inventory, and no expenses. Now that’s simple.
- Make lots of extremely small mistakes and do it extremely fast
- I never follow advice from anyone that hasn’t done exactly what I’m trying to do.
- Stick to my business model and don’t chase shiny objects. I often get offers from restaurants, hotels, etc., but I just politely say no. My focus is fresh roasted home brewed coffee, sold directly to my customers over the Internet; no middlemen.
- Never risk my cash cow. Keep my day job and build my business at night.
Niche #1a – Smooth Coffee
I like my coffee smooth as silk, i.e., not bitter and not burnt. I want to taste all the subtle coffee flavors that God put into each bean. Those flavors can range from:
As it turns out, there is a small, but growing group of coffee drinkers that are getting tired of burnt-n-bitter coffee and are looking for smooth coffee just like me. Hmm… I say to myself, “Maybe this is my niche?”
Niche #1b – Fresh Roasted Coffee
I noticed that my coffee was great when it was fresh and not near as good a few weeks later. As it turns out, the fresher the bean, the better the coffee. And wouldn’t you know it, I’m fortunate enough to come into this business at a time when you can send a package from one side of the country to the other in just 1-3 days.
Early every Tuesday morning, Alisha and I add up our internet orders for the week and head out to the roasting shed.
When I’m done roasting, Alisha (the brains and beauty behind our business) has (on our kitchen table) all the bags, boxes, and labels ready to go. By Noon, the mailman has come and gone and our still warm fresh roasted coffee is on its way to homes like yours all over the nation.
As God would have it, our customers are a lot like us. We don’t cram our politics or faith down anyone’s throat. Alisha and I just get to know as many of our customers as much and as often as they’ll let us. We’ve made a lot of friends along the way, from all across this great country.
Does that make us conservative coffee roasters or a conservative coffee company? I guess ,to be perfectly honest, it’s true, we are, but that’s never been our intent. We’d rather win people over by making them and you read between the lines of our website and figure out that we’re playing on the same team.
Do Yourself A Favor
Therefore, if you like super fresh roasted, whole bean coffee that’s smooth as silk with prominent notes of chocolate and nut, then Lake City Coffee is probably your best bet. Just click the Buy Now button below or the Shop tab at the top of the page.
Thanks for taking your time to read about our coffee and our business.
Russell & Alisha Volz