What is a Conservative Coffee Company? Got me. I just thought coffee was coffee and companies sold their stuff. When did companies start feeling compelled to shove their politics down customers' throats?
Ever since Starbucks decided to go ultra-left, all of the burnt-n-bitter industrial coffee want-a-bees, decided to follow suit, leaving the rest of America’s coffee drinkers to be labeled “Deplorables”.
I never thought about our company (All 3 of us) in terms of politics. As business owners, we're just a coffee roasting company that just happens to be patriotic, as all real Americans would be. Alisha and I (Russell) don't wear our politics on our sleeves and don't cram our politics or religion down anyone's throats. We just focus on super smooth coffee and our customers.
Here at Lake City Coffee, Alisha and I (Russell) stand for the flag, put our hand over our heart when singing our national anthem, pray with our heads bowed, treat our flag with respect, love our soldiers, and support our constitution, all of it.
I guess Screwgle thinks those values make us conservative. To Alisha and I, those values make us Americans. Maybe that’s why Screwgle has us ranked as a conservative coffee company, which surprised the hell out of me, but “what the heck” I’ll take that moniker any day.
In all reality, I think that Lake City Coffee is just a coffee business, not a political think tank. We’re not social warriors. There's no political axe to grind here. Heck, if people consider themselves liberal, then go for it, as long as they're drinking my coffee, God bless them.
Alisha and I don’t care about anyone's politics, gender, or race. We don’t care if our customers are black, white, red, or yellow; just as long as they bleed red, white, and blue.
Satirical Coffee Roaster
Look, we’re business people with a passion for creating the best home-brewed coffee experience of your life. We’re here to serve our customers as best as humanly possible, regardless of politics. Yet, at the same time, I’m not going to hide my political view, especially if I have something to say that’s funny, witty, or satirical.
Talking about satire, Benjamin Franklin was America’s first and greatest satirist. Like him, I do enjoy a good laugh at the expense of any politician. If you get a chance, check out the humorous satirical blog posts below.
- Liberal Math
- 22 Caliber Discount
- Fake Coffee
- DNC Coffee Discount
- From Drug Dealer To Coffee Roaster (My Favorite)
Conservative Coffee Companies
How did Lake City Coffee get started? To be perfectly honest, most of my life, I hated coffee; burnt and bitter. I just didn’t see the attraction. Then one day, while at a Church Campout, a man that I barely knew said, “Come on over in the morning and I’ll have something for you that you’ll never forget”.
So, at 7AM I put on my flip-flops and waddled on over to his tent. There he was with a coffee mug in each hand and a smile on his face that made me think, “Oh Crap”.
With mug in hand, I was kind of obligated to give it a try with a tiny sip. “Holy Shit Batman!” Not believing my taste buds, I took another sip. “Wow!” I looked at his shit-eating grin and asked, “What the hell is this!” (Church Camp right?). He said, “That, my friend, is coffee that was roasted yesterday to a beautiful medium brown.”
My new best friend taught me how to roast my own fresh coffee. For months, I was in heaven.
Conservative Coffee Company
Why would I start a conservative coffee company? Well, eventually my entrepreneurial mind kicked in; thinking of the thousands and thousands of coffee shops and drive-thru's selling burnt-n-bitter industrial coffee, good for nothing but degreasing wheel bearings.
I thought about a quote from Sir Branson, CEO of Virgin Atlantic, Virgin Communications and 400 other companies, who once said, “Find an industry that’s over 50 years old and done very badly”.
Well, I’m not the smartest guy on the planet, but it doesn’t take a genius to know that coffee in America sucks big time. Bingo! Business opportunity!
Super Smooth Coffee
I started thinking, "What is the most common mistake that these industrial coffee companies are making?" To begin with, their coffee is bitter as hell. Fortunately, I like my coffee smooth as silk, i.e., not bitter and not burnt. I want to taste all the subtle coffee flavors that God put into each bean.
Therefore, I had to find a super smooth bean that also had great flavor. I'm a chocolate lover. So, why not a super smooth bean that has prominent notes of chocolate? After trying hundreds of beans from all around the world, I came to the conclusion that beans from the Tarrazu region of Costa Rica fit exactly what I was looking for.
Roasted To Perfection
Nearly every coffee company in America wants to be the next Charbucks. So, they duplicate everything they can from Charbucks. I don't want to be anything like these "woke" knuckleheads. That's why if they're going left, I'm going right.
Next was to figure out how to roast coffee so it'd be super smooth. That wasn't too tough. If all the industrial coffee companies are roasting their beans hot-n-fast and burning the snot out of the beans. Then I'd simply do the opposite of what they're doing.
It didn't take a rocket scientist to go the other direction; low-n-slow and gently bring those beans to one of three colors golden, medium, and a dark brown (NOT BLACK). Bing! Another Winner.
Fresh Roasted Coffee
I noticed that my coffee was great when it was fresh and not near as good a few weeks later. As it turns out, the fresher the bean, the better the coffee. And wouldn’t you know it, I’m fortunate enough to come into this business at a time when you can send a package from one side of the country to the other in just 24-72 hours.
So, early every Tuesday morning, Alisha and I add up our internet orders for the week and I head out to the roasting shed. Six hours later, after one pizza, some Jimmy Buffet and Billy Joel, and a lot of roasting, I'm almost done.
Or nearly last step is to put your coffee, which is still warm at this point into a USPS Priority Mail Envelope or Box. By early afternoon, we've dropped your coffee off at the post office and it is on its way to homes like yours all over the nation.
Our business model, is just a matter of selling exactly what we like; fresh roasted, super smooth coffee with notes of chocolate.
A Real Conservative Coffee Roaster
If you like super fresh roasted, whole bean coffee, that’s smooth as silk with prominent notes of chocolate, then Lake City Coffee is probably your best bet.
On the other hand, if you're not a conservative, then don't sweat it. Just take my few conservative comments with a grain of salt and don't get your panties in a wad.
Just buy our coffee, learn how to make a great cup of coffee from us, and you'll be so happy, that you'll just remember that I'm your coffee roaster.
"From Our Roaster To Your Table In 24-72 Hours"
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